Inside me is me
Inside me is me. It tells me that there is something not quite right with me. My #desire to know why comes from deeper in me, the need to finds one`s self comes from the dissatisfaction with the idea of the outside version of me.
The void that #relationships cannot fill, is me. It is what education and religion took away and replaced with a cloned society copy of they wanted me to be.
Entertainment creates a distraction that helps me get over the frustration, of not knowing me. I often seek the company of others to avoid thinking about me.
Me the thinker, the one to be persuaded, the sufferer, the deceived. The one that is the higher power, however, that does not want the job as I don`t like the pain of being wrong, so I give my power away to something outside of me.
God, higher power, Angels, whatever you call it, is not me. I have something to lean on or blame when things don`t go right for me.
If I was the creator, would that mean, I could create what I see, what I heard, what I smelled, what I tasted and especially how I feel. Would I be the judge and jury in situations and make the decisions on what is real. Could I control my emotions and not be taken over by world outside of me?
I have learned to respect the world outside of me, however, I know it is not me. I appreciate other people have opinions, I would be grateful if can have the space to choose what I believe.
Laws, legal, morals and what society expects have always been biased to favour those in supposed power. I have always struggled with this, as inside me something tells me this all wrong, things have not improved for me, in truth, I have just learned to be happier with things not being as they should be.
The Inside me, needs more than to achieve than the respect of people who don`t really like me. I need to feel something inside myself, my void is not satisfied.
Controlling me is not the same as protecting me, when people say it is for your own good, it is usually for their good more than yours.
#Love from someone else can only partially fill the love you don`t have for myself. I want to share with and enjoy people without secretly judging them on what they can`t do to fill the inside of me.
The less I play the game, the less it controls me. Many people have succeeded in the world outside of themselves, however, only know themselves from what they like, dislike or what they have. Ask them for their opinion on something, they can only recite what they have read or from the chosen representation of themselves in the name of belief, #religion, political, sexual preference or gender. What about you, what do you think, yourself?
Deep down, I know I need to be me, I also know I have the power as in times of stress, I can dig it out to save me. I want to have constant access to that power. I need to sometimes take a rest being someone else to keep pleasing everyone else. I need to be just me, that is my challenge, I now see.
I have decided that I can longer wait nor can I keep hesitating, no one is coming to save me from the sky or from the sea. I am the creator of my personal reality. What I cannot see, you can only try to convince me to believe that it real.
I #create what I see, smell, taste and feel. I am the judge and jury, others have created this outside story to steal power to raise their own.
Inside me is the #power I need to release, I was born ready, I no longer need to wait for another person to agree. My spirit has been trying to wake me up from this illusionary outside dream.
I am the God I seek, my #spirit is just waiting for me to believe.